這段充滿回憶的旋律,
不太適合日夜溫習.
是在周華健第四張英文專輯「Songs of Birds」第一次聽到這首歌的,
前奏裡淙淙泉湧的吉他聲馬上抓緊了聽者的耳朵,
輕快奔放的旋律溪澗般地沖刷著聽神經裡的每條神經纖維.
翻出歌詞來看,
原來是首對父親的思念/紀念/感念之歌.
對網路熟悉了之後,
才知道原唱是Dan Fogelberg,
收錄在1981年發行的The Innocent Age專輯中.
忙亂的求學入伍與就業,
在高雄與花蓮之間反覆地遷徙,
當年那捲錄音帶失蹤許久,
已經有好長一段時間沒有再聽見它了;
直到最近,
Dan Fogelberg於12月16日病逝的消息傳出後,
這首歌又開始不斷地在眾多個人網站中被提起.
"Dan Fogelberg - Leader of the band"
An only child, alone and wild
A cabinet maker's son
His hands were meant for different work
And his heart was known to none
He left his home
And went his lone and solitary way
And he gave to me a gift
I know I never can repay
A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldn't wait
He earned his love through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand
The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument
And his song is in my soul
My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band
My brothers' lives were different
For they heard another call
One went to Chicago
And the other to St. Paul
And I'm in Colorado
When I'm not in some hotel
Living out this life I've chose
And come to know so well
I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go
I thank you for the kindness
The times when you got tough
And papa, I don't think I said,
"I love you" near enough
拜現代科技與網路之賜,
再古老的畫面都有人能夠傳到youtube裡,
就和各位分享一下這兩段影片:
專輯封面版
現場彈唱版
不太記得是哪一屆的吉研社成果展,
也不確定是不是安可曲,
總之,
在豬和枕的伴奏下,
我曾經在雄中演藝廳裡演唱了這首歌.
(還是在雄女?)
吉研社幾乎等同於我高中的社團生活,
然而在得知自己將接下社長一職的那年夏天裡,
爸爸卻突然離開了我們.
走出加護病房後,
我用高醫的公共電話撥給指導老師,
告知現況並表明自己可能無法順利接下這個職位.
後來在老師的堅持與大家的協助下,
總算是順利地完成了那學期的任務.
但是沒能讓父親看到自己在台上的表演著實有些遺憾.
小時候的自己就挺愛唱歌,
常常跟著父親到他所服務的里民活動中心去參加活動,
每次都會上台唱一兩首歌,
然後傻笑著感謝叔叔伯伯阿姨嬸嬸們的稱讚,
一旁的父親臉上也滿是自豪.
長大後,
反而很少有機會唱歌給他聽了,
當時的KTV還不算流行,
消費價位也非我能負擔的起,
更大的原因其實是青少年的叛逆心理;
總是想要證明些什麼地大聲說著話,
據理力爭地捍衛自己的意見,
如同大多數人的經歷一般,
高中時期總是和父母親相當疏遠.
只是,
還來不及和好,
機會就沒了.
忙碌是平復心情的好方法,
因此在之後的那段漫長時間裡,
我全力投入社務,
練琴也練唱,
得到了不少肯定與鼓勵.
有了一些成果後,
自然會想要停下來休息一會;
只是一跳出了忙亂的狀態,
埋伏已久的混亂情緒隨即撲了過來.
也許是為了懷念,
也許只是想讓自己好過點,
我決定在成果展裡獻唱這首與自己同年出現在世人眼前的Leader of the Band,
當作一個遲來的握手或擁抱.
直到現在,
我還是不敢確定,
他是否已經理解了我的愧疚?
